I have a good excuse for not posting! It's because our internet was horribly, dramatically, hair-pullingly down for the past few days. I don't even know how many days it's been because it feels like an eternity, and no that's not because that's how addicted to the internet (should I capitalize internet? It doesn't feel right for some reason) I am, it's because that's how impossibly it was broken. I think I spent about four hours per day trying to fix it for the past two or three days and to no avail. Except then I came home today and it's just working, no one touched it and it just decided to work on its own. So, okay. I am skeptical and expect it to crash at any moment but I'm excited it's decided to work for now. Also, fuck AT&T. Except that's who my dad works for, so, nevermind.

After doing a Google search for "The Great Atlanta Experiment" and coming up with a million+ hits, none of which are this blog, I have officially decided no one reads this blog. So I'm going to stop writing all formally and weird and just start writing, for me, and putting it online only in case anyone ever stumbles on it somehow and happens to like it. So today I'm gonna talk about sexuality, but quickly because I have to go to bed soon because I'm opening tomorrow. (Disclaimer: THIS IS JUST BASED ON MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, please don't get offended.) I've been working a lot at my coffeeshop in midtown and it was hard the first few days because it's hard at any job the first few days, especially when everyone else knows each other so well and you feel like a clumsy ugly friendless fool. But once I get settled in I know I'll love it there because it is so gay. There are three rainbow flags in the store and the manager needs to hire some people but only wants to hire gay men because that's what brings the customers in. Everyone's gay and everyone's out and it's totally fantastic, it's like what every coffeeshop/town in America should be like in my opinion.

BUT. I feel less comfortable revealing my sexuality here than I did revealing it at the old coffeeshop I used to work at in another state, in a not-overwhelmingly-but-still-rather conservative town. Because when a woman tells an average straight person that she's bi, the straight person probably thinks "It's a phase" or "that's hot" or "she's probably just bi-curious" and moves on. In other words, they don't believe her but they usually don't get upset about it. But, in my experience, when a woman tells an average gay person that she's bi, the gay person probably thinks "How dare she? She's probably just bi-curious and doing it to get attention from the men and I had to work so hard to be comfortable with myself and come out to my family and friends and community and she's just trying to fit in with the cool gay culture that we had to work so hard at to create and that's not okay!". They don't believe her and get upset about it. I understand there are a number of people out there who use the bisexual label either as a stepping stone that allows them eventually to accept their actual gayness, or as an experiment in discovering how far they can stretch their straightness. BUT there are some of us in the world who are ACTUALLY BI. Legitimately attracted to BOTH men and women (and transgendered people too). No it's not a phase, no we're not actually straight and just curious, no we're not actually gay and just scared, we are actually bisexual, in every sense of the word. But since bisexuals can essentially pretend to be straight without necessarily compromising too much of their actual identity, I feel like the gay community is often less than willing to be inclusive and welcoming of us. It's incredibly true that I have a much easier time being myself in "mainstream" society, because if I'm in a non-queer-friendly area and I don't want to make waves. I can mention my boyfriend and everyone will assume I'm straight and the fact that I'm not straight never has to come up. For God's sake my mom still thinks I'm straight, because as long as I don't talk to her about the girls I've been with and been attracted to she has no reason to think otherwise. Gay people don't have that option - I get that. But bisexuals are still queer. I do in fact identify as queer and I do in fact think of myself as being in a queer relationship - my boyfriend and I often talk about women we are attracted to and are open to either of us hooking up with other women, and I know in a straight relationship that wouldn't happen. My bisexuality is a substantial part of my self-identity and it would be so lovely to be able to be open about that at my workplace. It's very possible that I could open up to the people I work with and they would totally understand, and accept me and not judge in any way. But I've had enough experience offending some gay people with my bisexualness that I'm hesitant to do that.

And now, after that rant, bed.