Boo on being a grown-up

I feel like I just took a week-long crash course in home networking. AT&T DSL is officially awful. After spending way too much money and way too much time, though, I/we finally got it figured out and now everything works, hooray! Until it doesn't work and then I have to call AT&T and sit on the phone with them for hours while they insist nothing is wrong...whatever.

I was homeschooled until I was 9, and then I decided to go to public school. Soon after the transition I'd often wake up with a forcefully melancholy feeling - it was very specific combination of lonely and scared and homesick for responsibility-free childhood, and on those days I'd beg my mom to let me take a mental health day and once in a while she'd agree to it and I'd sit at home listening to music and drinking tea and spending time with her and feeling cozy and by the end of the day I'd feel better. I'd go to school the next day feeling refreshed and ready for anything. For some reason today I woke up with the same exact feeling, which I haven't felt since those days in public school so many years ago. Maybe it had something to do with whatever my dreams were last night, but anyway I woke up and all I wanted to do was grab my old stuffed Piglet and cuddle with him under the covers until the feeling went away. Unfortunately I had to leave for work in a half-hour so I didn't have that option. But that sickly feeling has been haunting my insides and tinging my day slightly melancholic blue, and I don't know what to do to get rid of it.

I know I haven't had a change this dramatic since I went to college, and that transition was made easier by the fact that I had an instant community of people who were also going through a similar transition, plus I was ready as hell to get out of my parents' house and awayawayaway from their dysfunctions. I never got homesick for my parents' house, just for what I wished my parents' house was but knew it never could be. But today I'm homesick for...I don't know, exactly. Homesick for the community I had in college, and right after college. Homesick for someone to confide in every day besides my boyfriend (I do love talking to him and I love that we talk about anything and everything and practically all intimacy issues I ever had are blissfully gone...but I miss having girlfriends to talk to, I guess). Homesick for a time when I didn't have to work and I didn't have to pay bills, all I had to do was just learn every day and try not to spend too much money. Of course back when that was true I was busy wishing I was somewhere else doing something else. I need to learn to appreciate this individual moment exactly as it is. I need to start going to that Buddhist center down the street.